comedy

No signs of intelligent life out there (and don’t mention ours)

So remember, when you’re feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth;
And pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere out in space,
‘Cause there’s bugger all down here on Earth!
— Monty Python

A recent post making the rounds: “NASA spokeswoman Trish Chamberson has publicly acknowledged the existence of alien civilizations, noting that the state agency is currently in contact with four alien races.”

A few problems with that, as illuminated by USA TODAY’s awesome fact-checking staff:

  1. NASA has no spokeswoman named Trish Chamberson.
  2. The site that carried the article is clearly identified as satire.
  3. NASA has, in fact, found no credible evidence of extraterrestrial life.

Meanwhile, Arizona astronomy professor Chris Impey has reiterated the academic stance that we might not want to connect with our intergalactic neighbors. Or so NASA and Impey would like you to believe … 

But just for fun, should we tell Texas Gov. Greg Abbott that aliens are coming in from space? I’m sure his response to fortify an atmospheric border would cost Texas taxpayers a lot of money, but it would be less destructive to the rest of us than the extra layer of border security he added before realizing, “Oh, right! Food comes across the border!” Total cost to Texas: roughly $4,000,000,000. And the rest of us need to pay a bit more for produce, thanks to this self-inflicted knot in the supply chain. The word for that is “inflation.” Or, as some people might say, “Damn, these avocados are expensive.”