It was an “Advent lessons and carols” service, which in retrospect was not the best place for an inquisitive 4-year-old who doesn’t go to such things that often.

Imagine the conversation taking place in a stage whisper …

Daddy?

What is it?

When are they going to turn the lights on?

Well, they’re going to light all these candles to make it brighter.

But when?

I don’t know.

(Skipping ahead — candles now lit)

Daddy?

Yes?

Who’s singing this?

See all those people up there? They’re singing.

But what are their names?

I don’t kn — I’ll tell you more later, can you be quiet for a while?

But why?

Because we’re all enjoying the music.

Why are we enjoying the music?

Because it’s nice — please? You’ll get a treat when we get home. Can you be quiet for five minutes unless you have to go potty?

OK. (Moves hand to cover mouth)

…

…

…

Daddy?

Yes, what is it?

I’m being quiet.

Good … well … actually, you’re not — but good. We’ll leave after one more song, OK?

OK.

…

…

…

Daddy?

(exasperated) What is it?

When are they going to turn the lights on?

Remember? They lit the candles.

Is the light — the candles — the light on the candles? Is that fire?

Yes, but it’s OK.

How do they make the fire?

We come in here and pray to Prometheus for a well-timed … look, can you wait one more song? Please?

OK, Daddy. (Plays with his “Bionicle” toy on the hymnal.)

…

…

Daddy?

Wh … What is it?

This is Bionicle’s Bible.

That’s sweet, son. Now can you be quiet for this last song before we go?

OK

…

…

…

Daddy?

#$%@! What?

I’m being quiet.