– Replacing the windows in your house is something I recommend doing exactly once.

– “Then she barfed them up in the freezer and tried to get out” is one of the most strangely and perversely funny punch lines I’ve ever heard.

– You should never be too tired or too distracted to pretend you’re using a sword to defend yourself against your son’s mace made of string.

– Dogs freak out a little when you put shades up. Once the shades are up, they’re fine.

– Some days, showering is a privilege, not a right.

– I should learn to suffer fools in the style of Jim from The Office.

– Blogging a sports catastrophe can be oddly rewarding.

– Some people are simply going to follow college sports coaches as divine gurus, and there’s not much we can do about it other than pray that they don’t vote or run companies that can harm the environment.

– The perfect end to a tiring day is a long Office episode. If they ever cancel the show, can they just have Jenna Fischer and John Krasinski narrate my day a couple of times a year?

– I love going to sleep while it’s raining. But I really need to shower first …