Quick catchup

First of all, does anyone else find it odd that all these young pop stars are racing to get married? Michelle Branch, a promising talent, got married before she was 21 to a guy twice her age. (Wikipedia says she’s expecting.) Britney Spears got married and jumped into the over-the-hill reality TV circuit before many kids her age had finished college. And now there’s Avril Lavigne, whose strong young independent woman act is going to take a credibility hit as she marries the lead singer of a forgettable band (Sum 41).

Is this happening because we’re asking kids to grow up so fast these days? That’s something strange I’ve noticed more since I became a parent. On one end of childhood, we’re extending baby status — kids are potty-training later and basically holding their parents’ hands until age 10 or so. Of course, by that point, TV and radio have sexualized them to the point of overload.

If this continues, we’re going to have kids losing their virginity in their booster seats.

And we’ll get back to Spin’s Top 100 list. Quick thought: Automatic for the People is a good legit choice, a strong, sweetly sentimental R.E.M. effort. Soundgarden deserves a nod, but the overrating of Beck has gone on long enough.

Oh … and Tom Cruise? Just shut up. You’re getting refuted in Entertainment Weekly, dude — that’s gotta convince you that you’ve made a bad choice at the spiritual-philosophical buffet. And as the close relative of someone who has suffered through mental illness, don’t fucking tell me there’s “no such thing as a chemical imbalance,” OK? As Lewis Black just said on the Daily Show, you’re walking proof.

Is it too late for Katie Holmes to marry someone else? Maybe she could go from Chris Klein, the actor, to Chris Klein, the wing midfielder for the Wizards? Even Rod Stewart and Billy Joel would be preferable.

One thought on “Quick catchup

  1. Two theories:

    1. It’s the starter marriage, man. They learn the ins and outs of state-sponsored cohabitation, so that they can do it smoothly the second time, when they really mean it.

    If you must, look at Mena Suvari as an example. She married some dude twice her age a couple of years ago and now they’ve broken up. That’s something for Michelle Branch to look forward to (though Mena didn’t get pregnant).

    2. Kids rebel these days. Tell them that their sex appeal is sustained longer if they stay single, and whaddya know — they get married. We should use this reverse psychology to our advantage and make these girls learn something.

    And so I finish my old man rant.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s